True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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