i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
