Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
