you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
