Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The struggles of a small town man whore
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
