Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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