If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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