I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
