I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she woke up with a sticky ear
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
