Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
a search helicopter?!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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