It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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