I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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