Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
