I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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