Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
