if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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