through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
