Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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