just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
