That's intense
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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