1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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