You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
