So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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