Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
