Please, let me fuck your mom
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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