I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
