Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
