I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize