I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
