I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
