I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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