youre lurking in front of me
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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