I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
