i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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