Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
