She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
