Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize