ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sorry about my life...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
