between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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