my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
