Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
