just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize