The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize