hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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