i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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