how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
