come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
