So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
