I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I currently don't understand fingers.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
