I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize