Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
