shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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