dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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