true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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