420 ftw
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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