It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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