You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
