tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
