haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
