I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
