I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
