So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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