I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
