1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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