that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
