So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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