I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
