dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm at about main and main street
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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