R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
